In a Vox article giving reasons why kids are anxious, one significant reason was, “The constant pressure to optimize their futures.”
I admit, I’ve talked college with my elementary students for 40 years. I try to keep some perspective, though.
I loved one conversation with a gifted eighth-grade student. Filling out her high school paperwork, she struggled to tell what she wanted to be when she graduated.
She wanted to major in English, Spanish, French. Math and science. History. Art.
She looked at me, distraught. “How am I supposed to know what I want to be when I graduate?” I looked at her page and offered, “A well-educated adult?”
“Yes!” she chortled and wrote that.
Highly-Capable kids can be gifted in more than one area. I have students in my HC class who also play team sports. Or participate in the local theater group. Or take music lessons. Or do everything!
Such children can feel overwhelmed with all the things they have on their plate. Add to that the expectation that they will excel in every endeavor. Otherwise, how will they get into that top college and achieve that career success that everyone expects?
Here are some ways my kids agreed with points made about perfectionism in an article I had them read.
- I agree that trying to be perfect stresses me out.
- Perfectionism is not quite the best idea.
- Mental health comes first.
- We shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves.
Perfectionism robs students of the joy of their accomplishments. A student in my middle school social studies class for gifted students was an outstanding artist and used her talent in a class project. After her oral presentation, students lavishly praised her artwork. She deflected all the compliments, telling everyone her art wasn’t good and pointing out all the mistakes.
Thank you, Jan. As usual your wisdom is so kind. I will be sharing your article with a number of beloved children and their parents.
I loved reading about those moments you had with your perfectionist students and their parents. We can all strive for excellence, but expecting perfection is absolutely crippling. In high school, when I got my first (of two total) Bs, I was devastated. And, I absolutely identify with your former student who reflected that a B was actually freeing, giving him more time to do things other than study.
It also enrages me that students feel that they are expected to know what they want to study and do after high school, presumably for the rest of their lives. No teenager (or tween, or kid!) deserves that kind of pressure. In my Homeroom this year, we had a few Character Strong lessons focusing on how students wanted to be, rather than what they want to do as they move through the world. That shift really resonated with my students and sparked some great conversations.