In December, I realized I was drowning. I was frequently getting sick, my class was spiraling out of control, and I would leave work so exhausted. I was facing overwhelming anxiety each day. 

When everything is a mess, it’s hard to know where to start. 

New teachers often find themselves in this position. It’s the position of not knowing what you don’t know. Looking back on my first year, it was incredibly hard to ask for help because it was impossible to pinpoint exactly what I needed. 

Entering my second year I felt much more confident that I had it down, but as the months ticked by my classroom management began falling apart. 

I reached out to one of my instructional coaches about what was happening in my classroom and she came in to observe a few times. While observing she never intervened, even when things got chaotic. We met a few days later to debrief. Surprisingly, she didn’t give me feedback on what she saw; instead, she just listened as I told her all of the things I felt were falling apart.

At the end of the conversation, she said to me, “You are the wrong kind of tired. You are exhausted because you spend your day putting out fires, not teaching. That’s called burnout and we are going to fix it.” 

Her words rang in my head for days. I’m the wrong kind of tired. It was like finally getting a diagnosis for a mystery disease. I felt hope for the first time in a long time.  

Together, we created a plan. This plan involved a half-hour of co-planning every morning and two coaches co-teaching and observing me for 90 minutes every day the entire week before winter break. 

I will tell you it was not easy having two experienced teachers watch your every move. You must be willing to vulnerable, flexible, and able to accept feedback even when you don’t want to hear it. It was tough. 

Day one of our plan and I immediately saw improvement. It felt like I had a new group of students in front of me. I was convinced it was a fluke. I kept thinking, “of course things are going great, there are 3 teachers in here!” However, as the week progressed and their roles shifted from co-teachers back to observers, I thought for the first time in months, “I think I might actually be able to do this” and truthfully, it made me emotional. How many new teachers drown like this, but don’t have a lifeline to grasp on to? How many new teachers just need to be shown the right way to do something or be told: “if you just slow down, you would change how your students tune into you.” 

Feedback can be life-giving to educators, however, it is not always readily available. Not every school or district can afford to employ full-time instructional coaches but they are vital. From an article on BetterLesson.com, Authors Hannah Larkin and Steve Sandak cite three main factors in regards to teacher retention: instructional support from leaders, collaboration among colleagues, and job-embedded professional development. 

While those are all hallmarks of a thriving school environment, what the authors believe to be the most impactful on keeping teachers in the profession is one-on-one instructional coaching. 

I am living proof of this. What I didn’t tell you at the beginning of this blog was that I was ready to throw in the towel. I had decided that teaching was clearly not for me. I started a Master’s program so that I could find a new job when June rolled around. I began counting the days until the end of this school year. 

On the inside, my self-talk went like this: “I can’t do this. I know it’s a tough job but I don’t feel like a teacher. I’m an imposter. I hate coming to work and feeling like a failure everyday.” While this self-defeating narrative played in my head I was simultaneously berating myself for being so negative, creating a negative feedback loop.

In an article from WeAreTeachers.com, author Kristy Louden explains the benefits of instructional coaching, such as being an extra set of hands in the classroom or a sounding board for ideas. In any case, it is clear that instructional coaches keep teachers around.

In short, without that lifeline, I would still be drowning. I would still be counting the days until I could call it quits. I would still be crying every morning on my way to work.

Through their insight and support, my coaches showed me that I am enough. They showed me all that I am capable of. Most importantly, they helped me see I was worthy of my title as a teacher.