By Tom

What are we supposed to wear to work? It seems like business people have it figured out, as do dentists and janitors. Baseball players have it figured out for them, just like inmates and cops. Teachers, though, are all over the place.

I was thinking about this the other day while reading this piece in the Tacoma News Tribune. It's about a teacher who earned National Board Certification, only to learn that the Governor's proposed budget did away with the National Board bonus. It was a good article about a sad situation, featuring a young lady who, by all accounts, is a wonderful teacher. 

But then I got down to the bottom of the page, where the comments began. Wow. Read them for yourself, if you have the stomach, but what really caught my attention was a series of remarks about the fact that the teacher was wearing jeans. I had to look back at the picture to confirm it, and sure enough; there she is, wearing blue denim.

Judging by the comments, jeans are not universally considered proper attire in the classroom. Apparently some people think jeans are unprofessional. And they can't get past that to see what the person wearing the jeans is actually doing in them.  

And that's unfortunate. Clothes shouldn't matter. Objectively speaking, anyone should be allowed to wear anything they want anywhere. Within reason. 

The trouble is, people aren't objective. Clothes do matter. You can't wear shorts to a wedding, and you can't wear a tuxedo to a ballgame. You would call too much attention to yourself, and detract from the experience for those around you. None other than George Costanza said it best: "If it was socially acceptable I would drape myself in velvet." Think about that. He wants to wear a certain fabric by virtue of its comfort, yet he doesn't, because he knows it would bother others.

Which brings us back to the classroom. It's a weird place, because most of the people (the children) either have their clothes picked out for them by their parents (if they're young) or by their peers (if they're older). They really don't have much choice in the matter.

Which leaves the teacher. The teacher has no official dress code. What the teacher wears is up to him. In practice, fashion is dictated by consensus. If I worked in an office, I would eventually wear whatever people around me were wearing, and since most people in an office wear suits and ties, that's what I'd end up in.

In my classroom, however, I'm not surrounded by people wearing ties. I'm surrounded by kids. They were jeans, mostly, sometimes shorts or sweats, occasionally a dress or a skirt, sometimes a nice pair of slacks. There is no consensus, so I'm really not looking at the people around me all day for fashion advice. I'm on my own.

Of course, there's my co-workers, but frankly I hardly every see them. I spend about nine hours at school. Seven of those hours are spent teaching and interacting with my 27 students. About two hours are spent alone in my room, planning and looking at work. About five minutes is spent interacting with other adults.

So here's my system. I've worked it out for menswear, but if you're a woman you can probably translate it to your own wardrobe. If you find it useful.

First of all, I've had to define four basic levels of clothing. At the top, you've got suits and ties with matching pants and dark shoes. We'll call that level four.

Level three is down a notch. No ties, but definitely a button-down shirt. Slacks or khakis, not jeans. Loafers or sensible shoes, but not sneakers. Colored socks, preferably in earth tones.

Level two consists of clothing you'd wear after work: T-shirts and jeans, shorts in the summer, sneakers, maybe some sandals. This stuff is dressed-down, but it's in good shape. You could wear level two clothing out on a date, as long as you're going to a sports bar.

Level one is the stuff that you can't yet part with, but you're thinking about it. It's what you wear to mow the lawn, clean the roof or fix your bike. It's already stained, torn, or damaged in some obvious way. Level one stays at home, unless you're helping a friend dig something.

In my system, the rule is simple. You need to be wearing a level of attire that is at or one level above that which the majority of the people around you are wearing. If you're at a nice restaurant, for example, level three or four would work. If you're at a ballgame: level two or three; you'd look foolish wearing either a suit or your torn-up work clothes.

Getting back to the classroom. Most of the people I work with are eight or nine years old. Many wear jeans. Most of them are at level two. Some are at level three and there's a few at level one. So what do I wear?

Level four is out. You can't feel comfortable when you're two levels above most of the other people. It's awkward. People (even kids) wonder aloud whether you have an interview or funeral to attend.

Level one is out. Obviously. You can never be the most-under-dressed person in the room. Especially when you're supposed to be in charge. It's unseemly. Besides, level one stay at home. Remember?

That leaves two or three. Jeans or slacks. 

Three. Definitely. For two reasons. First of all, there's the three or four kids each day that would be out-dressing me if I wore jeans and a T-shirt to work. They would feel embarrassed. Like the one person at a ballgame wearing a suit and tie. Or a guy at the beach wearing slacks and loafers. No student wants to out-dress the teacher.

And secondly, there's the people who are just dying to see teachers in jeans so they can call them "unprofessional," and reinforce their negative stereotypes. These people are petty, superficial and small, but they're out there. And they talk. And they're the last thing we need.

Since it takes just about as long to put on a pair of slacks as it does to put on jeans, go with the slacks.

Definitely.