Talking Walls

Photo0181 By Kristin

You know the saying "If these walls could talk"?  Well, they do.  Our faces talk too, and our bodies, and sometimes our voices say something other than our words.  As Mark has pointed out on other posts, how we treat students matters to them.

This sign was on the door of a good teacher during one of our building's big tardy sweeps where kids have to check in with the office if they're late.  This sign is a good example of how we disrespect kids without knowing it.  For many students, being disrespected by a teacher is reason enough to quit.

When I see kids loitering in the halls during class, I ask them why they aren't in class before doing what I can to get them there. The top two reasons kids cut class?  They're bored and/or they claim the teacher doesn't like them.  When I ask for clarification on the second reason, because surely a teacher wouldn't intend for a child to get that message, it usually boils down to a teacher's unintentional disrespect.  

I know that it's a student's responsibility to go to class. I know that unless a child wants to learn, there's not a lot a teacher can do.  I know that when it's a "he said" "she said" situation, the truth is somewhere between the two.  I know all of that, but I also know we can be disrespectful towards students without meaning to be, like the sign on the door.

I have a student who drives me crazy.  She's absent a lot, each one excused by her parents.  She has that irritating tendency of asking me, right as class begins, what she missed the day before.  She comes in almost every lunch to ask about her grade and get make up work, but loses the paperwork and needs to get it again.  It's all I can do not to throw a book at her when I see her coming.  How do I keep it respectful?  I force myself to pause, take a breath, and count to five before I say anything.  Seriously.  I pause because I know that for some kids, it takes only one painful moment and they put up walls it will take another teacher a long time to climb over.

As we're in the big push toward June, as our students are maximally social and we're stressed out over pink slips and budget cuts, when we're frustrated that despite a year of consistency some kids still don't get it, what tricks do you all have to stay patient, keep your sense of humor and maintain productivity in the classroom while also being respectful?  Does respect really matter as much as kids say it does?

6 thoughts on “Talking Walls

  1. Kristin

    DrPezz – those are great strategies! I have high school students too, and you’re right, they’re much more independent than the seventh graders I used to teach.
    But every year I seem to get one or two who never learns the classroom routine. I’ll try to use that individual work time to get to this year’s groundhog-day child. Maybe if she can count on me getting to her at that point, she’ll be able to walk in and get to work.
    Thank you.

  2. DrPezz

    Oh, sure. However, I have always had a lesson planning goal of at least three parts to a lesson including one which is individual time to practice the day’s skill (at least 15 minutes). In this way I can help explain, review, or introduce something.
    This is generally when I go help that student. Granted, I have high school students, so they understand that help can’t always be immediate which obviously helps me quite a bit.
    Plus, I use every Monday as a vocabulary and review day, so I have extensive individual time worked into the day. This also allows me to help students individually.

  3. Kristin

    DrPezz, do you never have a child who, despite your consistent routines, doesn’t get it?
    I agree with the pink slip tardy situation. If we want kids in class and not in the halls, we shouldn’t send them down the halls to the office to get a pink slip when the teacher can mark them tardy.

  4. DrPezz

    The tardy issue really bothers me. Rather than have a student go to the office and get a slip, I’d rather the student be in class for those ten minutes instead. It’s a battle I wage with the administration, but I believe the class time is more important than the pink slip time. The students can get that done later or I can send an e-mail.
    I tend to ask questions before making a decision or conclusion. Works for me.
    However, when students ask me at the beginning of class about what they missed, I remind them of the system set up: 1) ask three before me (and if those three don’t know, I need to do some reteaching and reflecting on my lessons), 2) check the calendar in the classroom, and 3) check the online calendar. Within a week or two, they get the system and I only have to intervene is something is unclear.
    The more systems I have, the fewer interruptions and problems I seem to have.

  5. Kristin

    I’m not perfect either, but I’m a lot better than I used to be. For about the first nine years of my teaching career my big goal was to slow down, think before I spoke, and be more patient.
    There’s a difference between losing you temper, too, and being disrespectful. I got really angry today at a group of kids who were crowding around, trying to egg on a fight. Hopefully, I kept it respectful. Sometimes it’s hard not to get mad when you see so much potential being wasted by energy going in the wrong direction.
    And I agree – it’s important to model apologies.

  6. Mark

    The two best pieces of advice I ever received about dealing with students:
    1. Assume no malice.
    2. Lead with a question, not a conclusion.
    These both are fundamental to my concept of how to treat students with respect. It is so easy to just enforce a rule in a way which shuts a kid down, or worse, escalates an unnecessary conflict. I’m not perfect…I’ve snapped on kids and been disrespectful. In fact, I snapped a bit just yesterday and reamed my whole class. In hindsight, I realized I’d gone overboard, so today I apologized, explained my reasons and which parts of my rant I felt had been justified and which I could not justify. I want them to learn that it is an okay thing to apologize when you make a mistake, so I always make sure to model this when the time demands it. I’m far from perfect, but I think about how I’d want my own children treated by their teachers. If a teacher crossed the line with my own child, I’d hope they’d apologize…so I did the same.

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