By Kristin

It's been a tough year, and also a good year. 

I always give my students a final letter.  For a few years it didn't change much.  This year it did, perhaps because I'm leaving high school after eight years and returning to middle school, where I'll teach 7th grade LA/SS.  I realize that I have not yet mastered every piece of advice in the letter, so I suppose I need to listen to my own self and get better at some things.  Many things, if I'm going to be fully honest.

It's long – and isn't really a blog post because there's no hyperlink – but here it is, because for all I'm supportive of testing and use of data and I have high expectations that teachers use class time academically, at the end of the day I think I teach this stuff more than I teach reading and writing.  And where's the test that can measure whether or not I did it effectively?

June 21, 2011

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, my last high-schoolers for who knows how long, you have been an exceptional group.  Here is all the wisdom, gained in 40 years and many lessons learned the hard way, that I can fit on one page.  If you ever need me, you’ll be able to find me (#12!), and I will be thrilled to hear from you.

 

1. There will always be someone taller or shorter than you, thinner or fatter, more or less popular, more or less accomplished or stronger or weaker, so what you need to learn to do, now, is appreciate what you look like, who your friends are and what you do well.  There is no greater waste of time than trying to be something you’re not. 

 

2. There will always be people who don’t like you, and there will always be people you don’t like.  That’s normal.  People can dislike you for all sorts of reasons.  They don’t even have to have a good reason to dislike you or you them.  You do not have to like everybody but you will be happier if you refrain from saying mean things about people and if you make every effort to treat human beings with respect.  Being mean or disrespectful tends to do more damage to the doer than the done-to.  Enduring someone’s cruelty or contempt can make a person stronger, but being mean does what?  It can only make a person look bad and weaken him or her with regret and lost opportunities.

 

3. There will be times when you and those around you are in perfect accord – you all agree, you rally, you are united.  Then, there will be times when you stand alone, separated from others by different beliefs, habits, or goals.  It’s more difficult, and lonely.  It’s less certain.  You have two things in this life:  your efforts to have a positive impact on others and the honor you give yourself.  When you find yourself alone, at philosophical or practical odds with those around you, have faith in yourself and your convictions.  Do what you can.  Compromise if you can.  Stay strong, and know that if you keep looking, you’ll find others who share your passions.

 

4. If you want to be an interesting person the first thing you need to do is be interested in the people and world around you.  Some people wear ennui as if it’s a sense of style and individuality.  It’s not.  There’s nothing interesting about being bored by everything.  Learn to ask good questions and you will become a sparkling conversationalist.  Learn to pay attention and watch things happen and you will acquire knowledge and good stories. 

 

5. Be willing to fail.  If you try, you might succeed and your life be enriched by a new hobby, friend, passion, fame and fortune.  Or, you might fail.  If that happens, allow yourself disappointment (because you wouldn’t have tried if you didn’t care) and embarrassment (because our failures are usually witnessed) and then get the event organized into a really good and funny story.  It’s okay to embellish – you earned it.  It’s important to be able to laugh at yourself.  We all fail.  We all feel disappointment.  We all get embarrassed.  Sharing these things will connect you to other people

 

6. The relationships you have, now and in the future, are the most important things you will ever have in your life.  Stuff is stuff.  We have become a culture addicted to acquiring stuff.  You are being brainwashed to want stuff by the people who want your money.  Stuff is not happiness.  Things and toys are only as much fun as the people with whom you share them.  Relationships are the most important things in the world.  Some people don’t realize this until they are old, and then a lot of people are gone and there isn’t much time left.  The human beings in your life are temporary creatures, so value them while you have the chance.

 

7. You have one body.  You have one set of teeth and one skin and one skeleton and one set of lungs and eyes, not to mention tendons and ligaments and internal organs.  Probably up until this point your parents have worked harder to take care of these things for you than you have, but now it is time for you to take care of your own body.  There are people who take advantage of modern medicine and get a lot of their body repaired or replaced in an effort to have what you have right now.  Take care of it.

 

8. Use your imagination to picture the consequences of your actions or inactions.  We all learn some things the hard way, but some people have to learn everything the hard way.  They experience the worst-case scenario again and again in order to learn what to do or what not to do.  You all have imaginations; it doesn’t take much time to imagine the worst-case scenario and avoid it by making the right decision.

 

9. That being said, we all make bad decisions.  It’s another thing that connects us to others.  Be gentle with yourself if you do end up learning something the hard way.  If you learn the lesson, pick yourself up and get back on your feet, you will recover.  If the bad decision is broadcast on the internet, or flies like the plague through the phones of everyone you know (and many you don’t), then keep your head up.  When you’re in the thick of it it’s impossible to believe that it will ever go away, but it will.  And don’t ever forget the humanity of saying, “That could be me,” and refusing to be part of the chain of mockery that humiliates someone else.

 

10. Learn to cook.  If you fail (and that’s okay…#5), then learn to appreciate good cooking.  All the great cultures of the world have a great cuisine.  There’s a reason for that – great food makes people linger over a meal and talk.  When people take the time to talk great things are imagined or discovered, and problems solved.  In all that we have done I have tried to contribute to your ability to discuss meaningful things.  You now have a collection of interesting information and the skills to articulate it that you can use, say, at a dinner party.  Conversation with your community and your family is how you will continue to connect with this world and have on it a positive impact, so eat good food and over it engage in a good conversation.

 

11. Some people have an aversion to teenagers.  Sorry – it’s true.  You tend to be loud and many of you haven’t fully developed the finer social skills yet.  At the heart of good manners is sensitivity to the emotional, mental and physical comfort of others.  Teenagers who don’t have good manners go about their business unaware of how their actions affect those around them, which causes adult criticism of teenagers in general.  Don’t ever forget that you are interesting, spectacular human beings and that I enjoyed being with you.  At some point in your life you might wonder what’s wrong with you and why everything’s so hard – even when you’re a grown up.  Nothing is wrong with you.  You are every one of you beautiful, smart, interesting and capable of making a contribution to our world.  Every single person on this planet at some point feels alone and unloved.  When you do, remember that I love you and think you’re amazing.

 

12. Remember that with the conveniences of technology comes a price, and that price is privacy.  In my career as a teacher I’ve seen my students move from private to very public lives because of cell phones, Facebook, the internet, and even things like security cameras.  Some things, like a video of you being posted without your permission, are out of your control.  And I’m sorry about that.  None of the stupid things I did as a teenager ended up on YouTube.  But many things are within your control.  Learn how to make your Facebook account as private as possible, and be vigilant about the photos you or your friends post.  There should be nothing on the internet –within your control, anyway – that you wouldn’t want an employer, a friend, or a college recruiter to see.  Your parents will love you no matter what, but an employer will not.  Be careful with your emails – assume that any email you send will be published on the front page of the paper.  If you don’t want something overheard by the world, say it in a phone call, or say it as gently and professionally as possible.  When I was your age, I had to master the skill set of being careful with bodily fluids – something my parents’ generation didn’t have to worry about.  Your generation needs to add a heightened awareness of the thin membrane between private and public to your set of survival skills.

 

13. This is a racist country.  Actually, it’s a racist world, too.  It’s also an ageist country, a sexist country, a classist country and one that gives too much merit to physical ability and silly things like hair.  This means that, through no fault of your own, you may run up against prejudice, frustration, injustice and thwarted opportunity.  You have some options:  you can make excuses and give up, you can fight to change the whole system, or you can overcome the obstacles that stand between you and your dreams.  The opposition is out there.  It’s real, but you can overcome it.  If you believe in yourself and value those who believe in you, you can do anything you set your mind to. 

 

14. Education is important – it opens doors and gives you the credentials our society values.  Experience is equally important.  We’ve all heard about people who became rich, powerful and happy even though they didn’t get an education, but what you need to remember is that those people had a gift for gaining and using experiences.  Try to do both.  Become an educated person.  Know your geography, your political power and how to use it, read a lot, expand your vocabulary.  Along with this, strive to expand your world by experiencing everything you can.  Travel, eat different food, work in a variety of places, get to know a variety of people, pay attention to the world around you, volunteer, go to museums, theater, the zoo, the aquarium, camp, hike, expose yourself to different musical genres and go see live music.  Talk to strangers.  Education and experience are nothing without each other.

I will now imagine you looking at me with your beautiful faces so that I can say a proper good-bye.

 

Good-bye.  I love you.